The 'Why' in Running

 

At this point of my life, running IS a luxury. Having gone through more than 2 years of "wilderness" experience with my broken knees, (MCL and Meniscus tears), to be able to run again is nothing short of a miracle and blessing! 

Allow me to introduce myself if you are not acquainted with my story. Every runner has a story to tell. Doesn’t matter if someone else deems it meaningful, glamorous or mediocre. Your story is uniquely yours even if others cannot appreciate or fathom what you have gone through. Allow me too to find those words for you if you are that someone. 

I remember my early blogging days when I first started chasing after the elusive sub 3. It was a good ten years ago. Then along came two friends and fellow bloggers. We shared our thoughts with our stories and struggles. Triumphs and failures. Whatever motivated us then, wasn't really about the number of views, followers or comments. We were hanging out, swapping combat strategies and helping each other heal. Over the years, we grew and were strengthened in our resolves. One of them had passed on to be with the Lord. Till this day, I still read his old blogs. His memories live on.  

Perhaps this is why I have started writing again. Its not about leaving a legacy. But it is about reaching out - If anyone still reads blogs anymore; Or even remotely bother to glance at a mediocre story as mine. Who knows? There may just be something that resonates with you. And lifts your weary soul. We see what we choose to see. 

In recent years, I was privileged to come across a training method that worked well for me. Like lock and key, it finally clicked. It brought my perpetual struggles with borderline 3 hours marathon to new heights. It was a long awaited breakthrough. And the result was not only consistently sustainable, it was also reproducible. (Read previous blog posts). I broke through to the sub 3 realm. And life was good - Until Covid and my knee issues came along. That turned my world upside down. 

Those years were hard. On all fronts. My story wasn't unique. Most suffered. I suppose I endured it as much as I could without making too much of a fuss about it. But inwardly I was struggling. Trials always have a way of revealing your true identity and affiliations. My world was built so much on running that when it crumbled, the self worth was called into question. I know it sounds silly now. But running was my identity. Being a sub3 runner, something that I had sacrificed so much of my life and time on, (at the expense of many other more important things that I should have lived for) this shake up made me realize that I was never more lost. 

And looking back, was it worth it? That chasing after the sub 3 dream. At what cost? Some would say, if you have never tried, you'd never know. The way I see it now: It is not a should or should not. It is a process of growth. At some point we will have come to it. I had to go through it to know - the peak and the valley - to appreciate all this. That was perhaps Providence. But mercy was also at work. I am just glad that I see it now. Like a prodigal child who would not have it any other way. There will be a time when he comes to his senses. Mine was a story of redemption, grace and mercy.

I am not here to judge. Not here to tell you to ditch that dream. I don't know your story. I don't know what your struggles are. But I know this: the cost will be dear. You got to know how to weigh it well. I must say I was not wise enough to see it. Maybe no one dared tell it to my face for fear of hurting my feelings. But I assure you, some of these dreams may seem justified for a season, to me at least it seemed so. Nevertheless when I look back now, I see it had cost me nearly everything. At my lowest point, my life too. Because it is never just about a run - but everything else it revolves around. If this is the center, then you may want to reassess that priority.

I am standing up again. But this time. it is no longer on the pursuit of the former glory, as that identity has to take a backseat. I hope I find the courage to pursue what lies ahead. All the lost time and opportunities to do what I was meant to do. I want to be more accountable for it. With the time given me, for it is short. Really short. Let’s not waste a moment of it.