Gold Coast Marathon 2023

42.2km is a long way. Whatever the reason that possess you to toe the line in the first place, in the end, it will always teach you something about yourself. No matter how seasoned you are. Learn, you will, one way or the other. A week after Prague Marathon in May, with a 3:01:12, the urge was irresistible to sign up for yet another marathon. It's unlike me to miss such opportunity to atone for my sub3 mishap - the ego wouldn't have it any other way. 

The rationale is that over the subsequent 6 weeks, I just needed to maintain a good enough mileage and hopefully with a bit of restraint on my pace strategy, the sub3 should be within reach. That was the plan. But as with most plans, life happens - and nothing usually goes according to plan; well, for me anyway. 

This time, the weather got warmer a lot sooner than anticipated. (After all it's my first summer in Dubai). And boy was it hot! Felt like running in an oven and despite waking early or running late in the evening, the buckets of sweat from each session just made training challenging, and very unpleasant. But endured I did, managed to squeeze in a couple of 100km weeks. That was, frankly, all I could do. 

Coming into taper, I was already in Melbourne for some family time with loved ones. Decidedly did very minimal running as I gladly gave in to multiple gastronomic temptations with friends and family. So it seemed uncontrolled carbo loading was also to be blamed. 

Gold Coast's weather was temperate and race day was pleasant. A perfect day for an attempt. But instinctively I knew that I was not in the best of condition - the sort of thing you know having done so many races over the years. But the show must go on. I didn't come all the way to just run a LSD. 

At gun off, I maintained a steady pace of 4:12-4:15, this time taking care to keep it very conservative and refrain from the heroics. Positioned strategically in zone A with the 3 hours pacers just a minute or so behind me, it was a comfortable buffer. The group would keep me on my toes. The plan unfolded swimmingly as I cruised at a smooth and fairly drama-free first half. I cleared the half way in 1:28. A little too slow for my liking but it felt ok. Keeping at this pace felt draggy but sustainable. Better be conservative than regret later. I had 6 gels with me with Maurten as the primary choice and Precision as secondary. 

To my surprise, Precision gave a notably heightened surge compared to the slower release feel of Maurten. I was taking one gel every 6-7 km. Having carefully chosen these for their tolerability. In short, fueling was not an issue. Yet by 28km, I started feeling fatigue setting in. Mentally there was just this undefined lack of determination to push - as though the will to fight on just dissipated. 

The words of Pat Carroll echoed in my mind: "When you hit the wall, ask yourself WHY you are doing this!" Now that I think of it, my mental fortitude had crumbled; for reasons of lack of a better WHY apart from the only desire to avenge/validate myself. On top of that, I realized that the mental preparation was found wanting. And once mental fatigue sets in, it's usually already too late. Adrift in this state of despair and frustration, I resorted to slow right down to a manageable pace that would hopefully be sustainable for the rest of the race. The pace went from 4:13 to 4:25 then 4:40. And as I crossed 35km, the stampede foot steps of the chasing 3 hours group finally caught up. Overtaking me with such ease as I struggled to find my WHY, it felt like stabs after stabs at my ego. That was humiliating. I guess that was how it felt as the tables are turned - years ago I had inadvertently done the same to some poor struggling runner. As the 2 pacers drifted away from my sight, it finally sunk in that it's game over; I'd better stop lamenting and get on with the aftermath of finishing the long grueling 7km. I staggered through the last few km with what one might call damage control-survival mode. All aim is just to finish without the drama of collapsing or seizing up in cramps. The pace was all over the place but I couldn't care less. It was a far cry from the elation of finishing strong 4 years ago on the very same route. What a contrast when the mind and heart is no longer in the game! But this is a different kind of end game. One which is in itself a moment and a story unfolding. Past glories and future anticipation aside, the point is that this is a moment that will never come again. Feel the pain. Go through the process. This shock is as necessary as the comfort that we have grown so accustomed to. I kept going and held on as long as possible to a reasonable pace - all by the skin of my teeth. Finished with a 3:05:53. 

To be honest, though there was nothing to celebrate, I was grateful to have finished without drama. Something we could easily take for granted. Post race analysis is straightforward enough. Training was found wanting. And mental preparation was not up to mark. Well, it is time for a summertime rest until next season. But as anticlimax as the whole thing may seem, this private experience has not been anything less valuable. In fact it is more valuable than any of my successes - as we often only learn through pain and suffering. In a nutshell, it taught me about what's really important in this season of my life. At 53, the clock's ticking. I'll have to keep in check the priorities of my life. And marathon is, sad to say, no longer one of them. 

I am reminded of this quote: "God seems to have a delightful way of upsetting the things we have calculated on without taking Him into account. We get into circumstances which were not chosen by God, and suddenly we find we have been calculating without God; He has not entered in as a living factor." Oswald Chambers.